How well do you know your next-door neighbors?

not very. hardly at all, in fact. i moved in to my new flat in may, but i hardly lived there until about a month ago. i see people come and go, but i havent had a conversation with anyone yet. having said that, i lived in my old building for 3 and a half years and basically never spoke to anyone either. the only conversations i had there were with the guy who lived above me, who would periodically knock on my door to condescendingly ask whether the rubbish bag was going to get moved, or could i get my landlord to forward on the money for the shared repairs. i am the landlord dickface. this was the kind of guy who is like 30ish but still sent his mum down one day to ask if i could possibly move some stuff out of hallway downstairs.

in my new building, there are quite a few characters who i have seen, smiled at to varying success, and even said hi to. first off, my next door neighbours as in the building next door, are all old jakeys (that means alcoholics, basically). there is a jakey's hostel next door to me, where a few old guys (probably not as old as they look) spend there days listening to abba with the windows open, drinking special brew and making slow, shuffling trips to the corner shop and back for tobacco and crisps. one of them accused me of stealing his car the other day (it was my car). but they are totally harmless and good fun (although i did come home to find a meatwagon taking a couple of them away in the cage part in the back the other day).

in my building, there are 12 flats. so far i have seen, starting on the bottom floor:

a woman of about 30 who is obviously a quiet type anyway, and has so far smiled, and possibly said hi, i cant quite remember. her flat got broken into about a month or so back, which is pretty shitty. someone kept leaving the front door unlocked, and someone just went in and broek into the first flat. all because some idiot didnt have a front door key and couldnt be bothered to get one.

a kinda scummy looking guy about my age who is always wearing at least one item of celtic branded clothing. he says "awrite pal". seems ok. possibly doesnt live here, not sure, but is here a lot.

a rock couple. she is pretty goth, in the way that you know she used to be full on goth, but old age has brought a mellowness and apathy, so she kinda keeps it up as best she can, but its not got the same effect. you can tell she just wants to be happy and settle down and maybe have a kid, and no one wants to be a goth mum. he looks like nick oliveri, complete with shite pointy goatee and bald head, and has rock cliche tattoos. all i et from him is a glare. sometimes he wears standard rock t shirts (metallica, etc) but mostly i see him leaving for/returning from work in a blue shirt and black trousers. way to fuck the system, rat race boy. and how the fuck does a guy think he is rock as fuck, but drive a smart car? very fucking brooding.

an eastern european couple. they seem nice. they say hi. their name is on their door. i cant pronounce it.

a guy of about 45 who lives alone. never says a word. avoids eye contact. rarely seen. gets his shopping delivered. thats the mark of a mass murderer right there. if you never see me again, it was the guy in number 7. alert the authorities.

an older couple. seem ok. dont say much. have had a pc monitor outside their door since i moved in.

two girls about my age who are a bit rough, to put it as nicely as i can.

the old jakey woman. she looks about 50 and has a door made of a cut up bit of thick plywood, presumably due to the old one being kicked in, or sold for special brew. her name is mary, and calls everyone darlin. ive only seen her once, sat on the stairs, looking fucked. seems harmless and mildly friendly though.

apparently the guy next to my flat is a bit weird. i dont know what that means, but the old occupants in my flat told me this.

so there we have it. that's how well i know my neighbours. not well enough to borrow a cup of sugar.